Sigh… I took a long breath, trying to make myself comfortable in my own room. The cuppa is cold before I took the last sip. Looking around me, everything is such a mess. I haven’t done any cleaning since I moved here. I’m lazy, to be honest. I won’t use excuses to lie to myself any more. What am I supposed to do now? Right, there are assignments to be done, there are tasks to handle, there are trips to go, but apparently I have lost the motivation to tackle them all. It’s so empty here. I wish to get round to talk to people but I don’t know how. The sore throat prevents me from raising my voice as well, so I will have to wait till it is healed.
Oh dear I want a lover. Yes I am lonely and I wish there were someone by my side. There used to be, but he came and gone like a wind, leaving me scars and pain, no turning back. It hurt. There are freezing nights when I’m in solitude sobbing for my loneliness. I don’t want to use the dating app because most of the people there just wanted to get laid or hook up with each other to find immediate, short-term satisfaction, and the price of such pleasure is not cheap at all. It takes risk to make close contact with strangers. I’m not going to dig in that since it’s not what I want to talk about right now. I noticed a guy who is so cute and he lived here for four years. I don’t know if he did the same, or, reciprocate (this is the word that I learned from a teacher whom I had a crush on) the feelings. Maybe he won’t. I feel like I’m the only gay person in this community. I’m afraid that when they found out the boys would stay away from me. I don’t want to face that, and I really don’t.
Is there something trying to stop me from doing the assignment? Yes, the laziness, the unwilling will, the mind of someone who is stressed and depressed. Is what I am experiencing right now parts of stress or anxiety? Perhaps. I shall find me somewhere comfortable to deal with it. Can I handle the assignment all at once today? Nope, and if you could, don’t force yourself too much. Is that an excuse for “I should play now instead of studying...” No. Don’t do it. Playing games is a form of entertainment, but it could be really addictive to someone who is weak-minded like you. You are going to waste a lot of time for the games, and you would regret. Instead, I guess you should spend time reading books. It does not have to be an academic one, but a novel, be it Vietnamese or English. Such activity would greatly heal up your lonely soul, hopefully.
And then I start to flip the cover of my book as a head start of a rainy day.
Oh dear I want a lover. Yes I am lonely and I wish there were someone by my side. There used to be, but he came and gone like a wind, leaving me scars and pain, no turning back. It hurt. There are freezing nights when I’m in solitude sobbing for my loneliness. I don’t want to use the dating app because most of the people there just wanted to get laid or hook up with each other to find immediate, short-term satisfaction, and the price of such pleasure is not cheap at all. It takes risk to make close contact with strangers. I’m not going to dig in that since it’s not what I want to talk about right now. I noticed a guy who is so cute and he lived here for four years. I don’t know if he did the same, or, reciprocate (this is the word that I learned from a teacher whom I had a crush on) the feelings. Maybe he won’t. I feel like I’m the only gay person in this community. I’m afraid that when they found out the boys would stay away from me. I don’t want to face that, and I really don’t.
Is there something trying to stop me from doing the assignment? Yes, the laziness, the unwilling will, the mind of someone who is stressed and depressed. Is what I am experiencing right now parts of stress or anxiety? Perhaps. I shall find me somewhere comfortable to deal with it. Can I handle the assignment all at once today? Nope, and if you could, don’t force yourself too much. Is that an excuse for “I should play now instead of studying...” No. Don’t do it. Playing games is a form of entertainment, but it could be really addictive to someone who is weak-minded like you. You are going to waste a lot of time for the games, and you would regret. Instead, I guess you should spend time reading books. It does not have to be an academic one, but a novel, be it Vietnamese or English. Such activity would greatly heal up your lonely soul, hopefully.
And then I start to flip the cover of my book as a head start of a rainy day.
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