Thoughts after days of masturbation

That's it. I cannot take it anymore. I need to change myself quickly. Wait, don't be so hurried. I need to recover from this bad habit. I realised that I am into a habit of being lazy and too addicted to pornography and Internet stuff right now. I need to write down these lines to find out what lies behind these evil forces.

What have triggered me to consume pornography and having sexual thoughts? Come to think of it, is it because I am bored and I have nothing to accomplish? This could be a reason as I have already finished my stuff in both semesters and now there is only one dissertation left to be done. Yesterday I had the last meeting with my tutor as she will be on her maternity leave in late June. I have already chosen the other tutor for me, who also understands how I perform throughout the whole MA course. Back to the trigger factors, apart from the boredom, what else was the one that made me unpleasant? I guess that is the computer and the hesitation of going out and breathe some air. I guess I have been hiding from the outer world for so long that I confined myself within the four walls of the room. I don't say that my room is a prison, but the dearth of activity has somehow set up the path for the wicked side of me. I guess those two reasons have answered my concerns related to addiction to Internet and pornography.

So now I have detected the issues. The tasks to be done is to discover the way to resolve it positively. Firstly, let's look at the first problem. The tediousness with feeling of nothingness. What actually happen here is that there are so many tasks to do instead of nothing, and the camouflage is revealed to be a bunch of work that I am being snowed under such as presentation, dissertation, trips to different destinations of the UK, tours, cooking, writing my own book, new ideas, statistics, learning graphic design, being a lecturer in the future, my pathway of learning, my research of learning autonomy, my dreams and ambitions. Ideally, I should break these into small segments before I could kick off my work. I am quite a clumsy person, so I got a bad habit of messing up my plans and leaving my stuff untidy. Although at the very beginning of my plan, it all went so well and smoothly, I was not strict with myself, and it fell off the track I planned. Strictness is something I'm quite worried about. That is, I feel that if I was too strict to myself, I could not have joy in doing other things. On second thought, right now and previously, I have indulged myself too much with freedom and now, look at what I have turned out to be. Suddenly I remember that discipline is the word that I really need. Yes, a discipline, rules for myself to change. That is the remedy for me to overcome these burdens.

Alright, the next stuff, the lack of physical activity. This is probably the most formidable challenge in my life so far. I could dance, I could sing, I could run, but I do not have patience for this activity. I mean, I don't mind doing it, but if nobody forces me to deal with it, then I won't do it at all. I don't see any point in exercising. Yes, I know it is good for my health, but whenever I imagine myself being fatigued after all the exercises and nothing is really achieved, I lost courage and willpower to continue. Nevertheless, let's try to look at my activity in a typical day. It's just sleeping, eating, playing, writing, walking, talking, doing some random stuff, and no physical activity that makes you stronger. Yup, exercises will be the optimal way for you to get rid of bad thoughts, but I don't know when to do it? No excuse, sir. You can do that at 5 in the morning to 6, and another 5 to 6 in the evening. Just think of being tired is not a bad thing but the sign of good health is coming for me. Indeed, and I guess I need to work out a lot to lose my belly fat as soon as possible. No, don't say anything about time because to me, there's nothing called waste, it's only matter whether I have tried it or not. I feel motivated now, and I will put in a lot of endeavour to attain the goals that I wished for.