Late night writing and I started thinking about life, about what is going on, about the world around me. I keep having those existential thoughts and I can't stop myself from reaching them. Sure, going home is fun and stuff, but I have to deal with the very exclusive social pressure and conversations. I posted my photos on Instagram stories, and that came with consequences, people started asking me if I am back and I couldn't say no to meeting them. Relaxing became a burden and responsibility of meeting people and dealing with relationships which I found unnecessary.
I used to think that friendships are important, but I now realized that they're just temporary. I gotta treat them as acquaintances, otherwise I will make unwanted commitment to the relationships, which I cannot get out.
Tomorrow is the day that I will depart to the US again. It just feels really lonely sometimes. I hope nothing bad happens to me. The bad news about flights these days worried me a little, but I believe things are gonna be alright. I want to stay here and do something worthwhile, but at the same time, I have a task and a big goal to finish. Staying in the US is not my long-term goal. I wanna move to somewhere else. I'm scared of being lonely. I'm scared of losing my dearest ones. I just wanna see them every day.
I hope everything will be alright. When I got to the US, I need to burn some incenses to find peace.
Two more years, Nguyen, two more years. You can make it. It will be a miracle once you achieve it.
